Customer Enquiries Part One (The Emperor, Major Arcana Series) by Francesca Astraea

white on purple text reading 'Major Arcana Series The Emperor (part one) Francesca Burke'

From Mandy King (

To Ernest Bezzina (

Subject 75th Birthday Gift Enquiry

15th July, 10:02am.

  Dear Bezzina’s Emporium,

My name is Mandy King, I was given your email address by a friend of a friend. I am looking for a gift for my mother’s seventy-fifth birthday, and I believe you may be able to help? My mother refuses to use her mobile phone and rarely bothers to pick up her landline. This has never been a problem until recently, as my father was far more telecoms minded. He passed away last winter, however, and we’re increasingly frustrated by my mother’s refusal to use technology, even when there’s an emergency. Do you have anything in your shop that might work as an alternative method of communication, preferably one that she can travel with?

  I live in Glasgow so unfortunately cannot travel down to see your shop in person. I am of course happy to pay for express and tracked shipping for anything I decide on. If you’d prefer to speak to me in person, feel free to give me a call on 0141 9496 0213.

Thank you in advance.

Best wishes,

Mandy King

From Church of Jesus (

To Ernest Bezzina (

Subject Bezzina’s Emporium Visit by Jedidiah van Aarle

20th July, 9:41am.

  Dear Sir/Madam,

  My name is Katherine Beauregard, I am a member of the Essex branch of the Church of Jesus, a non-denominational church. I’m sure you’ve heard of us! It has come to our attention that your shop, Bezzina’s Emporium of Magical Artefacts and Antiquities, trades sacrilegious, Satanic items that are dangerous to the general public. We want to let you know that we condemn your behaviour as devil worship and pray for both you and your misguided, mentally ill customers.

  Our pastor, Jedidiah van Aarle, will visit your shop on Saturday 19th September to destroy offending texts and objects and exorcise both you and the building. Any customers who wish to repent their sins will of course be welcome to join in.

  Have a wonderful day!

Yours faithfully,

Katherine Beauregard

General secretary, Church of Jesus Essex Branch

Our next service:

Watch our pastor live online:

From Chet Cooper (

To Ernest Bezzina (

Subject ocoult gift request

21st July, 03:08am.

hi im looking for something to give my mate for his birthday. hes really into the ocoult and would love something to try to summon spirits, maybe a weeja board or something like that. he also collects skulls so anything with a skull would be cool. i live in south essex so can come in any time to view, i just wanted to email first because i’ve never bought a magical gift before and i’m not really into the ocoult or anything like that. if you need any more information you can give me a call on 01632 960223 or whats app me with any pictures.



From Timothy Briars (

To Ernest Bezzina (

Subject Historical Memorabilia

23rd July, 07:27pm.

  Dear Bezzina’s Emporium,

  I am looking for a Confederate flag or Swastika for my historical reenactment society. Ideally, we would like several, as we are planning to make a documentary-drama with the help of a great number of our members.

  If you could inform me what you have in stock and which, if any, magical properties remain on the items, I would greatly appreciate it. If no flags are available, we would be happy to consider any regalia or memorabilia. If nothing is available from that time frame, we’re also happy to consider anything made for or by the Ku Klux Klan, as our docu-drama has quite a wide scope. I’ve attached some photographs of our current stock so you can get an idea of how seriously we take reenactments.

  Our budget is up to £2,000 including postage and packaging.


Timothy Briars

Thank you for reading! Part two will be up next week. Please consider sharing this with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Commissions are open until August 2020! Learn more here.

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You can read more about what inspired the Major Arcana series on my website. Learn about where you can get my book, The Princess and the Dragon and Other Stories About Unlikely Heroes here.

Copyright © 2020 by Francesca Burke

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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